As We Begin To Grow

As we begin to grow, we begin to comprehend a lot of messages we have been sent through time. We begin to understand what our parents meant when they suggested we run with the right flock. We begin to realize that nothing is to be taken for granted, and we acknowledge how hard we need to work for anything we want and we realize that despite how hard we work, sometimes we do not get that thing that we wanted and worked so hard far, and that is called fate.

As we grow, we begin to appreciate fate, we begin to link all memories to where we are today, we begin to embrace what had once frustrated us and brought us down to a place we never saw ourself rising from.

We begin to realize that it doesn’t matter how much we want something to happen, it not happening; could be the biggest bliss God grants us for our prayers, for our patience, for our kindness, for our hearts or even just because…

As we grow, our perceptions widen, we start seeing a whole new scope to the life we thought by now we will be living, we notice how little things still matter to us and we notice that despite how ‘little’ things could seem to some, how big they are to others, and then - only then - we do accept each others and learn from our differences.

We begin to determine who heightens our positivity and who kills our soul. Who nurtures our insecurities and who keeps pushing us till we fall.

As we grow, we realize we are in control. Every single day we walk out of our beds we decide for ourselves where we are going, and what we are working on today. Who we want to see… with whom we want to interact, and of whom we want to hide. How we want to raise our children, how we want to practice our religion, how and who we want to be. We have control over it all, we realize the only thing we have absolutely no control over, is our emotions.

We control our actions, our spoken words, we control our anger, our outraged tempers. We control what we suppress and what we choose to show. We have it in us to limit our thoughts, as we have the slightest control over our bursting thoughts, we believe even for a second that we are controlling how we feel, we think we stand a chance in controlling our emotions, and we unfortunately, do not.

As we grow we understand how ok it is NOT to be ok. How ok it is that the pettiest things make you dwell, how the negligible pressure hits you when it is not extreme and how everyone relates to emotions, exclusively by their background and self experience.

As we learn what we cannot control, we learn to understand. We learn to establish a connection with our subconscious and we learn to implement what we have been taught growing up, and we have learned not to judge. We have learned to accept, embrace people’s differences, and love them despite who or what they are. We have been taught to accept others when we should have first learned how to accept ourselves.

When it comes to self-communing we struggle to admit, we struggle to accept our feelings, we judge ourselves for our emotions, yet find it justifiable to forgive others. We seek others’ forgiveness because it is easier; dealing with self-guilt haunts us down.

As we grow we learn to befriend ourselves, we learn to soothe ourselves and we learn that sometimes in life we fall, we break, we make mistakes. Sometimes in life we break in a way that can no longer mend. That sometimes in life we need to pack ourselves up and let go. We learn that we do not need to justify, we do not need to be approved of, we do not need to be accepted by anyone else as long as we accept ourselves, as long as we acknowledge our emotions, and as long as we comprehend that feelings are not ours to be controlled, and that this too is ok.

As we grow we learn that holding on to somewhere we do not belong is justified, familiarity, is justified. We learn that fear is a constant unless the fear we have is defined, as long as we confront our terrors, and as long as we decide that fear breeds hesitation. As long as we understand that fear mostly comes from the hidden ‘what if’s’ in the unknown.

As we grow, we strengthen our beliefs, our faith, we learn to not over-think about that entire unknown. Our fears mostly lay somewhere we haven’t reached to yet, our fears are a virtual possibility of what tomorrow might or might not bring. We understand then that fear is only a paralyzing thought, that whatever comes along our way, whatever happens, comes with Mercy, with a plan.

As we grow we learn to channel our fears to faith. As we grow we learn to control our thoughts, forgive ourselves, accept our emotions, analyze our insecurities, and mostly, we learn to learn, and we learn to grow.

- Doaa Aladdin

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